Writing Through Grief and Loss
Is it time to explore the process of writing through grief?
You have untold stories inside you. We all do. And one of the most nurturing things you can do during times of loss is to give space to these stories, by writing through grief.
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.
-Maya Angelou
As it turns out, each of us carries a rainbow of untold stories inside of us.
They come in every shade, from light to dark and back again.
Often they’re sad stories. Painful. Hard. But they can be uplifting stories too. Stories of your radiance and potential.
These stories tend to surface when you’re in the midst of loss. Grief triggers yesterday’s memories, mingling with today’s sorrows and confusion.
Almost always, such stories are laden with emotion. But too often they stay locked away, hidden in the metaphorical rooms of your mind. Underneath the figurative mattress. Slipped between the other pages of your life or tucked away beyond reach.
Stories that are never heard. Never seen. Never witnessed.
Why is that a problem?
Well, stories have a way of wanting to be set free, and it’s a burden to hold them back. And when you try to keep them down, especially when you’re grieving, they can take on a life of their own, controlling or triggering you in ways you’re unaware of.
Yes, even the hidden stories of your radiance and potential can do this, particularly if you feel thwarted or regretful about how things turned out. But you can ease the burden of these stories and make a place for them when you begin writing through grief and loss.
Resources for writing through grief: Getting your stories out.
James Pennebaker, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Texas, developed expressive writing, which offers a structured approach to writing about emotional upheaval of any kind.
In his book, Writing to Heal, Pennebaker says:
People who engage in expressive writing report feeling happier and less negative than before writing. Similarly, reports of depressive symptoms, rumination and general anxiety tend to drop in the weeks and months after writing about emotional upheavals.
Pennebaker’s process is a great way to begin writing through grief. And the guidelines are simple:
- Find a time and a place where you won’t be disturbed
- Write continuously for at least 20 minutes for four consecutive days
- Don’t worry about spelling or grammar
- Write only for yourself
- Write about something extremely personal and important for you
- Deal only with events or situations you can handle now
Want to know more? Go here for the full instructions and an in-depth article about the process.
But what if I’m not a writer?
Like I said above, everyone has untold stories inside of them and you needn’t be a writer to claim them. In fact, it’s not necessary to think of yourself as a writer to benefit from writing through grief and loss.
If you’d prefer a less structured approach to expressive writing, one of the simplest ways to start is with the Right Now journaling prompt.
Simply write those two words at the top of your page and start. Let your pen carry you along without thinking too much. When you arrive at a place where you have nothing more to write, begin again if you choose. Write Right Now and start the process over. Let the prompt carry you through for as long as you need it to.
You’ll also find many writing prompts and writing activities online that you can access with a quick search.
More importantly, remember that it’s not what you write that makes the difference, it’s the fact that you’re actually writing (anything) that holds the healing power. In fact, some recent research shows that writing twice a week for only ten minutes can have a positive impact on emotional well being and healing.
When you open up to it, you’re likely to discover that writing can be many things: therapeutic, healing, renewing and meditative. A vehicle for reflection and personal growth. Even as a way to spark your creativity and joy.
