Is your life in transition? Try gathering the threads.
A life in transition is a complicated thing.
It reflects the essential call of self-renewal: emptying out and letting go in order to make space for what’s next. Often, a life in transition brings with it an urgency to clear out and get ready for a new chapter that’s (hopefully) on the horizon. But before you get there the journey can be twisty and confusing.
Life in transition may feel even more confusing because of the times we’re living in.
Of course you already know this: recent years have brought a series of external transitions over which we’ve had little control. To name a few–the COVID-19 pandemic, global conflicts, and rapid political and social changes. While we’ve had to learn to cope quickly, we can’t deny that multiple transitions on top of multiple transitions has changed how we (and society) function.
We live in an era where the future appears murky and unknown. And the weight of ongoing, unexpected events makes personal transitions significantly more challenging.
There’s a name for what we’re living through: Polycrisis.
- feel emotionally drained, with little energy left to negotiate personal or career transitions
- worry about future security in the midst of making the transition (and after) because so little seems predictable these days
- experience chain reactions of stress (called cascading stress) that lead to overwhelm and sometimes the panicky, fearful experience that comes with fight or flight.
So how do you hold all of this and make sense of it?
First, naming what you’re experiencing, as well as practicing mindfulness and nervous system regulation are important here. And of course, therapy can help too.
But I sense there’s something deeper happening. In sessions with clients and conversations with friends I’ve noticed this emerging:
A hesitation to go forward to the next phase not only because it’s hard to juggle both personal and global transitions, but also because something in us is looking for an opening into a different way of life.
After all we’ve been through, a lot of people want more than the status quo.
First, most of us want to feel safe.
But beyond that, you may long for more meaning, less going through the motions.
Or perhaps life in transition for you right now means giving more energy to the different parts of yourself that have emerged during all of the upheaval.
If this rings true for you it may feel mysterious and elusive but still–you sense something’s there.
I’ve been sitting with this myself. And I’ve come to suspect what we’re experiencing is a calling of sorts.
It may even be related to needing to make meaning of and make sense of the long collective in-between space of transition that the world (and we as inhabitants of that world) have been held in.
Just as I started pondering this I remembered a quote from Greg Levoy’s book, Callings…
The lack of a kind of fruitful emptiness can make it hard for our new beginnings to reach us, since they have a hard time getting through when they get nothing but busy signals. We may need to just float in the slack tide for a spell, in the state of what Sufis call sacred drift, trusting that however rich we allow the cocoon phase to be, that’s how rich the emergence phase will be.
The paradox embedded in each of Levoy’s phrases got my attention…
- fruitful AND empty
- floating AND slack
- rich AND cocooned
The quote and the phrases make good journaling prompts. They remind us that the in-between stages of transition are there for a reason and maybe even act as tiny little maps directing us to tiny little journeys toward the life that’s already trying to find us.
Maybe they’ll help you too if you sense there’s something you need right now, some wisdom or insight that you can’t quite put your finger on.
If you want to dive deeper, there’s more.
Gathering the Threads is one of my favorite processes to make the next stage of life in transition a little clearer.
The idea goes back many years to a conference I went to that featured Gregg Levoy. He took us through a series of questions to help us ease the process of life in transition and uncover the mysteries of callings.
Later I offered the questions to my clients as journal prompts but for some reason they seemed to fall flat. My clients weren’t having the insights and ahas that the group had during the live seminar.
So I tailored the questions to better match my clients lives, and one day decided to try exploring them with a client in real time, during a session. On a whim I pulled out a pad of post-it notes and began writing down her answers, one post-it at a time. The depth of the experience surprised us both.
So Here you go: Gathering the Threads
Grab a pen (or colored pens), a pack of post-it notes and a file folder (if you have one).
Simply begin.
Right now.
Don’t hesitate.
When I completed it last week I found some unexpected clarity.
I hope that’s true for you too.
Scroll down to view my own recent experience gathering my own threads.
Gathering the Threads: 14 journal prompts that make life in transition easier
Instructions: As you answer each question, write your answer on a separate post-it note. Work fairly quickly, stopping to reflect if you need to. Just make sure you don’t reject your initial thoughts, feelings or answers, because this is an Inner Critic free zone.
- Many people have some prominent affirmation, quote or saying tacked up somewhere in their home. Or they have one that particularly resonates with them, whether or not it’s in plain view. It might even be a line or phrase from a poem. If you have one (or two), write each one down on a separate post-it.
- Imagine you’re in a bookstore or a library right now. What section do you want to go to first? Where do you go next? And finally, what’s the third section you go to? Write each different subject on its own post-it.
- What subject(s) can you speak about with genuine authority, because you’ve lived it/them yourself (note: you do not need to be considered an expert or have any particular training for this). Again, write each different subject on its own post-it.
- If you were granted the opportunity to have two mentors, or could just hang out with two people because you’re drawn to them in some way, who would you choose and why? (They can be real or fictional, living or dead.) Write each name and reason on its own post-it.
- Let’s say you’re granted one hour to talk about anything you want to. You’ll be reaching an interested audience who wants to hear what you have to say. You’re also assured you’ll feel calm and at ease giving your talk. So, what would you talk about? Why? Write it on a post-it.
- Name something positive that people have been telling you about yourself for a long time, by completing this sentence: You’re…
- Name something negative that people have been telling you about yourself for a long time by completing this sentence: You’re…
- Do you have a favorite story, movie, fairytale, or myth? If so, what is it and what’s the theme? If a new one has emerged during these challenging years, go with that first.
- What’s the most important thing missing from your life right now?
- What pattern in your own life are you really tired of?
- What have you rejected/ignored/avoided that follows you around anyway and seems determined to claim you?
- Name someone who’s life you’ve envied and why; what have they got that you don’t?
- Is there something pulling or pushing you in your life that doesn’t make sense?
- If you didn’t have to worry about the consequences, or you knew you could cope with whatever consequences arose…What radical (or potentially risky) action would you take right now to shake up your life, to meet your deeper needs, to help you feel better?
How to Gather Your Threads
When you’re finished, start arranging and grouping your answers. Think of each post-it as a thread of your life in transition, a thread that keeps finding you.
What threads go together? What gravitates naturally towards each other? (Note: It’s really helpful to do this with another person, especially if you like to process and talk through your thoughts and feelings.)
Feel free to create the completed puzzle with whatever materials you like. For instance: collage, paint, or drawing.
When you’re done putting the pieces together, ask yourself…
- What messages seem to be coming through the finished puzzle?
- What insights or intuitive hunches am I getting about my experience of life in transition during this past year?
- What’s the most predominant theme that’s pulling me?
- What would it look like to make yourself available to this theme in your life, in a small way?
Once you’ve finished gathering your threads you might find you want to do more writing. (Because journaling is a perfect next step at the end of this activity.) If that’s the case for you, return to the 14 questions and use them as more traditional journal prompts to expand and deepen your experience and insights.
My post-it notes/threads…
You can also explore the metaphor with actual threads.
Spontaneously flick/paint watery layers on paper, let it dry, glue on random threads, add in all the words from the post-it notes. You may find it to be a very meaningful experience.
Are you dealing with your own complex life transition?
Life Transition Therapy in Santa Rosa and online can help you find your way through the twists and turns of inner and outer change. If you’re navigating any kind of loss or life transition, I’d be honored to be by your side. Please reach out if you need support.
