10 Self-Compassion Statements for When You’re Being Hard on Yourself

Some days, you really need a few self-compassion statements in your back pocket.

Maybe it’s a day when things aren’t going the way you planned. You start feeling the stress rising in your body. Along with that stress you also begin picking up on the negative slant of your thoughts. But these thoughts are clearly not the kind you’d consider self-compassion statements.

Instead, they’re thoughts like…

• Why did I do that?
• That was stupid.
• I really f-d up!

Although it might not seem like it, this is the perfect time to stop, pause, and sense into the tender parts of you, the ones who need your help. What they want more than ever is to receive words of self-love and statements of self-compassion directly from you.

Yet, self-compassion statements don’t always come easily, do they?

In my day-to-day work as a therapist and coach, this is an ongoing process for many clients.

Often, when you’re diving into the work of healing and self-growth, you’re unearthing key insights, moving towards self-understanding, and experiencing aha moments. In fact, your sense of self-worth begins to reflect this.

And then, something unexpectedly derails you from your journey.

It could be almost anything: a long forgotten memory floats up, a challenging moment happens at work or in a relationship, someone you know questions what you’re doing with your life.

Suddenly, self-compassion seems like a very distant relative, almost forgotten.

Furthermore, like many of us, you may have a long history of being told that you’re supposed to suck it up, denying feelings and emotions. Or maybe you developed a tendency to be hard on yourself because you were trying to deflect adult criticism by heading it off at the pass (and criticizing yourself first).

There’s also a deeper truth about why self-compassion is hard: it asks us to lift the veil on our vulnerabilities.

When we embrace self-compassion, we are being asked to fully accept all parts of ourselves.

Self-compassion also takes us out of the routines and rhythms of daily life, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

But in those few minutes you may discover there’s a part of you (perhaps slightly distant) questioning the wisdom of self-compassion:

• Is this okay?
• Do I deserve this?
• Can I really talk to myself this way?

If ever there was a time for self-compassion statements, this is it.

10 Self-Compassion Statements

1. You don’t have to show up perfectly.
2. It makes so much sense that you feel this way.
3. You’re doing the best you can and it’s okay to be where you are.
4. It’s okay to make mistakes.
5. Whatever you’ve done…(this day/week/month)…it’s enough.
6. Right now you can stop and be in this moment, at this place and time.
7. You’re allowed to ask for help and receive support.
8. You can stop without having everything figured out.
9. Your feelings in this moment are valid.
10. You can give yourself the grace you give others.

If this feels hard to do it’s okay…in fact it’s normal.

You may find yourself drawn to several (or more) of these self-compassion statements. Still, you’re not sure you could really say them to yourself.

There are many possible reasons for your hesitation; in my experience these are the most common:

1. You’re not used to speaking kindly to yourself and your inner critic has stepped in to tell you to tough it out and suck it up.
2. You’re drawn to creating a self-compassion practice but it seems too complicated or would take too much time.

If you think your inner critic is blocking the way, give yourself a few minutes to sit down, center yourself in your chair, take a few breaths, and sense into the place in your body where you feel the constriction of your inner critic. Then let it know that it makes so much sense that it feels this way. (You’ve just practiced the second self-compassion statement on the list!)

If it seems too complicated, give yourself the grace to make it simple. The beauty of a self-compassion practice is that there is no wrong way to do it, and beginning with the tiniest amount is often a perfect way to start. Choose the statement that resonates the most, and experiment with setting aside five minutes a day (when you go to bed or wake up?) to sink into it.

When all is said and done, there is deep wisdom in being kind to yourself.

And I believe that you are wise, and already know so much about how to live your life.

But do you need some extra support these days?

If you’re feeling a bit lost or sense that something’s missing, my free course — Finding Yourself Again — is a good place to start.

I created the course to help you reconnect with your deepest wisdom, get insight on the critical voices and beliefs within you, and begin to transform them with creative and imaginative approaches. It’s based on the same practices that have helped my clients reclaim what’s missing and move toward what matters.

You can learn more about the course here. And if you have any questions, get in touch.

It is a wonderful day in a life when one is finally able to stand before the long, deep mirror of one’s own reflection and view oneself with appreciation, acceptance, and forgiveness. On that day one breaks through the falsity of images and expectations which have blinded one’s spirit. One can only learn to see who one is when one learns to view oneself with the most intimate and forgiving compassion.

-John O’Donahue